Honest Day As A SAHM
It wasn’t until about six months postpartum that I felt like W and I were able to settle into a routine. He started napping on a schedule, he was more predictable in his moods and cues, and I better understood the structure (a word I use very loosely) of our days. I started steering into the skid of motherhood and embraced, at least more so than I had been, my role as a stay at home mom. Most days, however, I still found myself looking around and asking, “Is this what other stay at home moms do? Does everyone else feel like they did…nothing?”
Some days (re: most days), I couldn’t tell you what I did. I didn’t achieve any of my goals. I didn’t check things off my to-do list. I probably didn’t even change from my night time loungewear to my daytime lounge wear. Here is a basic breakdown of what my day as a stay at home mom looks like:
Good Lord, Why Is It So Early
No matter how many different ways I try to be awake before him, without fail, W wakes up first. I stumble out of bed, put the e-collar on the dog, brush my teeth, grab a pair of glasses, and go get the baby.
Not Quite As Early But Still Early
Because he lives a life of luxury, his day starts with a nice warm bottle and cuddles. This peaceful, loving ritual lasts all of 10 minutes and then he is ready to be anywhere but in my arms. I have a “safe zone” set up where he can play and I can watch TV, scroll on my phone, and enjoy my coffee without worrying too much about what he is getting into. Here’s where the “nothing” part of the day comes in. We stay in the safe zone playing with toys and absentmindedly scrolling, respectively, until it’s time for breakfast. Then we go back to entertaining ourselves until nap time.
Go The F*ck To Sleep
When nap time blessedly comes around, I know I should use the time to get things done. Laundry, dishes, phone calls, work out, shower, etc. Logically, I know that nap time is when I should get my work done. I should write for the blog, I should get schoolwork done, and I should make progress on any outstanding freelance projects. Some days, those things do happen. And let me tell you, it is on those days that I feel like I am on Cloud 9 thanks to my productivity induced high. But most days, I am firmly grounded both to the earth and in reality. On these days, I either crawl back in bed or sit on the couch and zone out for the hour and a half that he sleeps.
How Is He Awake Already?!
His next wake window is pretty much the exact same thing as the morning. Bottle, playtime, lunch, playtime, bottle, nap. I usually manage to grab a snack, reheat my coffee at least three times, and maybe get to the things I didn’t do while he was napping (like brushing my hair).
Shhh…No Tears, Just Dreams
Nap number two somehow always manages to come right when I am about to lose my mind. Little did I know that having a child would also mean playing Russian roulette multiple times a day with naps. Sometimes it lasts for two hours, sometimes it lasts for 30 minutes, sometimes it doesn’t happen at all. Isn’t the mystery of it all so exciting?
All By Myself / Don’t Wanna Be / All By Myself
Realizing that he is once again alone in his crib, W wakes up and believes he has never eaten and may never eat again. His dad can probably hear his screeches all the way on the other side of the world. After this nap, we are just counting down until bedtime. We fill the time with meals, toys, movies, bath time, car rides, and many many puffed snacks. And yes, this is the longest part of the day where three hours feels like three years. This is about surviving, not thriving.
I Thought This Day Would Never Come
Magically, mercifully, bedtime always arrives. We do our bedtime routine of teeth brushing, story time, cuddles, and a song before I happily place him in his crib, turn on the white noise, and walk away until morning. When I finally shut my brain down enough to relax and go to sleep, it’s somehow 2AM and I only have a few hours until we start this cycle all over again. And again.
So yes, most days I feel like I did nothing. But you know what I did? I took my meds. I made sure W’s needs were met. I (hopefully) even took a few minutes of alone time just for me. But above all, I loved W. No matter how many things are left on my to-do list, if at the end of each day I can say that I loved my child, I’ve done enough. And enough isn’t nothing.